My nipple is on Facebook.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
