I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
