just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
