so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
