Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
