I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
