a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
