the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
