Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Randomize
