i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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