I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
