the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
