guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
