Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
