I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
