Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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