After last night, I could never be a politician.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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