I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
no, he came in my armpit
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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