I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
