There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
