i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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