What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
