im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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