shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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