I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
