I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
