I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I believe in your delicious
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
