too bad you live with your parents still
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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