I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
