If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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