she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
