she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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