you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
