She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
