I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
