Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
