i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
