So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
