not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
