i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
