im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize