I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
