Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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