i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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