PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
