Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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