I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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