I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
