Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
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