THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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