The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
