I think I died a long time ago.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
